Psalm 119:33-40
Matthew 18:15-20
Relationships are basic to our lives.  We interact with family members, classmates, coworkers, and fellow church members.  Not many days pass that we don't feel some strain in at least one of our relationships.  Our struggle is not so much knowing what to do.  Our struggle is being willing to do what needs to be done to heal the relationship.
The temptation often is present not to spend the energy needed to redeem a relationship that is on the verge of disintegrating.  Why?  The reasons vary, but common to many is that a person feels wronged and wants to hold on to the hurt rather than reach out to the one who has done the hurting.  Today's Scripture text from Matthew outlines steps we can take to redeem relationships.  Relationships were important to Jesus.  By examining what Jesus said and interpreting what he said by what he did, we can learn how to redeem relationships. 
           
What was underscored for me in my reflection in preparing for this sermon is that Jesus had difficulty in his relationships.  As I began thinking about that I began recalling various relationship difficulties Jesus had. The first sign of some strain in relationship for Jesus occurred during his first trip to the Temple when his parents lost him.  The dialogue Jesus had with his mother when Mary and Joseph finally found him was tense from frustration and misunderstanding.  The relationship was strained.
           
At the very outset of his ministry, Jesus experienced tension from leaders in his home synagogue.  He was invited to read the Scripture.  The Scripture for the day was from Isaiah.  After reading it, Jesus commented on the passage.  At first the people were impressed and said, "Isn't this Joe's boy?  Why, we've known him all his life."  Jesus added some further comments about Elijah and Elisha being rejected by their own people but being accepted by Gentiles.  The congregation was so mad at Jesus that they dragged him out of town and were going to throw him off a cliff, but somehow he managed to slip away from them.  What a way to begin your ministry!  I'm glad my first day with you wasn't anything like Jesus' first day in the ministry although there have been a few rough days since my first day.  Jesus had difficulty in his relationships at his home synagogue.
           
Jesus also had difficulty closer to home.  As he continued to interact with people and make comments about custom and culture and God, he stirred up more tension.  His family heard about what he was doing.  Sometimes family members want us to do so well that they don't want us to do anything other than the status quo.  Any suggestion that we are breaking new ground or doing things that stir up tension makes them extremely nervous.  They have a lot invested in our success.  Differences of opinion are not viewed as successful.  Jesus' family kept hearing about some of the things he was saying and doing.  It finally got to be too much for them and according to Mark's Gospel, Jesus' family, his mother, brothers and sisters, went to get him out of the public eye because some thought he had slipped a cog and gone crazy (Mark 3:21).  They found out where he was and went to get him.  Perhaps they wanted to protect him.  Maybe they wanted to protect themselves.  Jesus had difficulty in his relationships with his family and friends.   
           
Throughout Jesus' ministry, there were times when his relationships with others were strained.  On several occasions the Sadducees were troubled and irritated with Jesus.  They were angry with him.  They threw barbs at him in the form of trick questions.  They set traps hoping to discredit him.  On other occasions, Jesus found himself in tense situations with the Pharisees and scribes when they asked probing questions and then used Jesus' answers against him.  These situations were troubling to Jesus because the Sadducees, Pharisees, and scribes were the religious leaders of his faith.  It was difficult to be opposed by them.  It was not a simple, easy matter for Jesus to express opinions different from the religious leaders he had been taught to respect.  The stress and strain were manageable for awhile.  Eventually, however, Jesus' approach so troubled the religious leaders that he became their common enemy whom they saw as a threat to all that was important to them.  This became a formidable alliance of opposition. Jesus had difficulty in his relationships with his religious family.
           
As Jesus' ministry developed, he involved others with him.  He invited people to be disciples, fellow learners who would share with him in ministry.  Twelve became identified as apostles.  But there was tension with them.  On one occasion Jesus called Peter an obstructer when he said, "Get behind me, Satan."  There was tension as James and John requested most favored status from Jesus.  Difficulty, strain, stress, and tension could not have been higher for Jesus in his relationships with his colleagues than when Peter denied him and Judas betrayed him.     
           
Jesus had difficulty in his relationships, but he maintained that they were important and required maintenance and repair in order to redeem them.  As a result of Jesus' efforts we are told the common people flocked to him.  They heard him gladly.  The relationships he had with some people created difficulty and tension for Jesus in other relationships. 
           
Jesus was not able to redeem all of his relationships.  The tension became so great that some of the relationships were severed.  His relationship with the religious establishment developed so much tension that eventually it reached an impasse and they sought to get rid of him.  While we cannot know what went on in Judas' mind, we know that up to the last minute Jesus was attempting to redeem that relationship, but he couldn't do it.
           
Jesus enumerated the steps to take to redeem relationships.  Taking these steps does not guarantee that a relationship will be redeemed.  Every relationship involves at least two people and each person is free to reject the efforts of the other to redeem the relationship. 
           
The first step to redeem a relationship is to be taken by the person, who has been hurt, wronged, offended.  The one who has been wronged is to go to the one who has wronged her and seek privately to communicate with her that she has wronged you and how.  Why is the one who has been wronged supposed to take the initiative?  One reason is the person who has done the wrong may be unaware that he has wronged you.  Hasn't it happened that you hurt someone's feelings without knowing and only learned about it through the grapevine or on that rare occasion when the person actually told you?  The person who has been wronged is to take the initiative.  If we are to have close encounters of the right kind, as soon as we recognize that someone has sinned against us, we need to initiate reconciliation.  Our model for this is God our Redeemer who feels the break in relationship with us because we have sinned against God.  And God seeks us.  God does not wait for us to come to God.  We have wronged God, but who is it that initiates restoring the relationship?  The God who is portrayed in the Bible is the God who is forever seeking to restore relationships with people who have committed wrongs.
           
We are to go to the person privately who has sinned against us and communicate with the person how we have been wronged.  If the person listens to us and accepts responsibility for the damage done, we have redeemed the relationship.
           
But what about those hard-hearted rascals who won't listen to us?  What about those who just want to blame us for the problems in the relationship?  What do we do then?  Jesus said that if you go privately to someone and reach an impasse, then seek out one or two people to go with you to talk with the person.  This is so you will have two witnesses to the conversation and the discussion of what the source of the problem is.
           
If you are still unable to redeem the relationship, then bring the matter to the church.  Even with this effort, some relationships cannot be restored because the persons involved or both parties are unwilling to work on the relationship.  When that is the situation, Jesus said treat the person like a Gentile or a tax collector.  Spend no more energy on the relationship.  If the person refuses to listen to the church, the person is not so much excluded as self-excluded.  The church does not withdraw fellowship from a person; rather, the church recognizes there is no fellowship.  To treat a person as a Gentile or tax collector may sound harsh, but in the context in which Jesus makes that statement, it is the last of four steps.  It presupposes that three steps to redeem the relationship have been taken.  It is not so much excluding by one of another, as it is a refusal of one to belong and be a responsible, accountable person in a relationship. 
           
To treat a person as a Gentile or tax collector is to leave that person outside the relationship.  However, we must interpret what Jesus says by what Jesus does.  Jesus was forever involved and engaged with Gentiles and tax collectors.  The door is not closed forever.  We do not have the last word on the reconciliation.  When a person wants the relationship redeemed, the door is open for that person to enter. 
           
Jesus is the one to whom tax collectors and sinners were drawn.  Jesus was always fraternizing with people like these. One of Jesus' first healings was the healing of a servant of a Gentile army officer (Matt. 3:15). 
           
One day Jesus called a man named Matthew to be one of his disciples.  Matthew wasn't a Gentile, but he was a tax collector.  How is that for demonstrating the way to treat Gentiles and tax collectors?  Jesus said that where two or three are gathered (eating and drinking like sinners) in my name, I am there among them (Matt. 18:20).  If we are going to be with Jesus, then we must be among the people he chose to be with--sinners, Gentiles, tax collectors.
           
As we think about redeeming relationships, we will need to forgive people who have wronged us.  Occasionally, we become rather indignant about the way people have treated us and how we have been wronged.  At times we prefer to hold on to the hurt we have experienced rather than respond redemptively to the one who has hurt us.  Let us remember that there is no sin we forgive in others that God has not forgiven in us.  Often we come to church to draw a neat line between the sinners and the saints, those who deserve forgiveness and those who don't.  Often we come to church to be reassured that we are the ones who have really found Jesus and everyone else is hopelessly lost. 
           
But the Bible refuses to help us with our judgments.  We have met these despicable "Gentiles and tax collectors," and they are we.  In the searching moral gaze of God's eyes, we're all Gentiles and tax collectors.  The stray sheep are we, whether we strayed from the path by whom we slept with last night or we have strayed from the meaning of the true church by whom we condemned in church this morning.  That's just the sort of lost people Jesus loves to redeem, just the sort of Gentiles and tax collectors Jesus loves to forgive. 
           
The attitude of forgiveness leads to redeeming relationships.  What we see Jesus doing with the "Gentiles and tax collectors" is what we see God doing with us.  What God does with us is what we are expected to do with others. 
           
On the Jewish festival of Atonement, Yom Kippur, which will be celebrated on October 9th, all the sins against God are forgiven.  However, if you have sinned against your brother or sister, you yourself must go, seek out your neighbor, and ask for forgiveness.  Not even God is asked to forgive what you have done to another.
           
Lewis Smedes notes that, not to forgive is to allow someone else's evil, or thoughtlessness to control your life.  We are offered freedom in Jesus' command to us to forgive, freedom from the past.  In forgiveness, I release someone from his past.  This is not excusing a person from an evil or unjust deed.  Mere toleration is not forgiveness.  Forgiveness is a courageous, joyful turn toward the future.  Smedes calls forgiveness "the most creative act of which human beings are capable."
           
If Jesus had difficulty in his relationships, surely we can recognize that having difficulty in our relationships is a common occurrence.  There is nothing wrong with us just because there is tension and difficulty in our relationships.  If Jesus could not redeem all of his relationships, who are we to think we can redeem all of ours?  However, the question remains as to what effort we have put or are willing to put into redeeming our relationships.  Have we followed the steps that Jesus suggested?  Are we still open to people changing their minds and approaching us to reestablish the relationship?
           
I can tell you this: God is still open to redeeming our relationships with God.  God is still seeking all of us "Gentiles and tax collectors."  God still wants to be in relationship with us and is reaching out in love and forgiveness to us.  If God is that willing to reach out to us, can we be any less willing to reach out to others to redeem relationships that have been damaged, broken, and are about to be lost forever?  Is there anything we need any more?  Is there anything the world needs more than it needs for relationships to be healed? Indeed, we can learn from Jesus how to heal and redeem relationships.  But the question is, “Will we?”  Will we seek to heal and redeem broken relationships?